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How I found happiness

I have been all eat pray love over here. You don’t have to go to Bali, meditate with a Buddhist monk, or live on the land to gain perspective. Honestly you cannot find that anywhere except inside yourself. It is not something you can fake either. You actually have to do the work and get to know who you are. When you do find that clarity and peace, you will never go back. How it happened for me was a bit unusual.

One day for no particular reason I had a a realization. It was that my priorities were backwards. On the outside I looked good but on the inside I felt empty. I wasn’t feeding my soul. I was deprived on so many levels. I was trying to control everything. I had burned up my mental and physical energy. Especially being a mom ( you too Dads!) we need to choose ourselves sometimes. You have to take time to rest and reset otherwise you are just living to work.

I needed to chose me, so that’s exactly what I did. I’m not preaching I just know a lot of people can relate. I have always been so passionate about helping others. I needed to help myself for once. It is now a part of my usual routine to prioritize my mental health. It is human nature to need time to ourselves.

When was the last time you really sat down to breathe? Have you ever really sat with yourself, no distractions and without judgement ? I don’t mean vegging on the couch watching Keeping up with the Kardashians either. I mean really sitting with yourself.

If you can relate to any of that I encourage you think about it. Think about what it is you need a break from. Social media, especially amidst all the chaos of the world can bring about negativity. It does not have to be that way but if your mind is not healthy it likely will be. Doing a social media “detox” was my first action step towards actual wellness. Everyone knows there is a lot of playing pretend on social media.

I am now very intentional about my time on social media platforms now. That time by myself built up so much confidence, clarity and creativity. I realized I did love creating content to help people but it has to come out of a place of love. I couldn’t be a sell out and chase. I am a person of substance. That is the question you need to be asking yourself incase your wondering. Who am I being?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not hating on the social game. Social media has a lot of benefits especially for business owners and entrepreneurs. Before my time off-line, I was not using it to connect with others. It was an energy sucking vortex because I had the wrong intent.

I was comparing myself to others and I wasn’t happy with myself. Taking things personally and playing the number game. Rather than looking at myself, I was focused on everyone else. That is always a good indicator that you have work to do.

I love who and where I am right now. Sure, I ate a few too many boxes of chips ahoy and sleep in a lot. In the past I would have been hating on myself for that. We are our own worst enemies. I am so thankful that I listened to my soul.

It was exactly what I needed at the time. I was working myself to death and not living at all. Focused on results and not enjoying the process. I used to hate that expression but it is so true. Which is true of most things we all hate. We don’t want to hear the hard truths because they are hard.

It is difficult open up to the unknown and being uncomfortable. There just is no way around it- growth happens when you step out of that comfort zone. You don’t have to explain your decisions or justify needing time and space for yourself. Know that you can and should always choose you. I am a parent so I don’t always have that luxury.

One word sums up all that I have learned through my social media detox- balance. Balance is the magic wand to your happiness. Learn to balance it all without worrying that you are going to drop the ball. I will save you the time- you will drop the ball. Everyone makes mistakes. Even the greatest athletes have dropped the ball at some point.

Now that we have that out of the way, you can stop worrying. Start learning from those missed shots. It is never a failure if you learn from it. Good news is when you learn from your mistakes you don’t have to repeat them. If you don’t learn from the experience then prepare to drop the ball again.

Here are some of the things I gained and from this experience. I’m not obsessing about everything on my plate. I am no longer a slave to the food I consume, the workouts I do or the unrealistic standards that social media perpetuates. I am free. It’s like an addiction you are so in denial of. I can clearly see now what a perfectionist I was.

I’ve been doing soul work. I have been reading books, journaling, sitting with myself. Really putting in work for my mind, sprit and body. I think what made a huge difference was my intention behind doing these things was different than before. I’ve been doing this for me. I have let go completely of caring about other people opinion of me. I just don’t care because I’m genuinely happy.

The social media cleanse has been truly amazing because it forced me to look within. I had nowhere to hide. I needed to look at myself. I needed to stop talking about the person I wanted to be and start acting. So many of us are talking way too much but doing nothing to change. This blog is not about me preaching to anybody it’s simply a guide. How to start living your best life for lack of a better term.

I’ll be that person for you. I’ll be the one that helps you to stop with the pretending. We only get one life. I know what you’re thinking but hear me out. How many people go their whole life dreaming and planning for the future? How many people hate their jobs? How many people settle for people, places or things they don’t love? I don’t have statistics for you but I will tell you it is way too many people.

I know because I was one of those people. I think we get so comfortable on a path that it just seems easier to keep going down that path. I’m telling you to stop. Stop walking down the path which leads to nowhere. Stop right there. Sit down. Sit with yourself. Figure it out. Think about who you want to be. Think about where you want to go. Mull it over and mourn the inevitable losses that will need to happen in order for you to move on. Stop settling and start changing.

When you are done feeling sorry for yourself (we all do it), start acting. Start doing things that you have always dreamed of. Start being the person you want to be. Start right now. Give yourself permission to be different. Embrace change and embrace the uncomfortableness that comes a long with that.

Change is hard. It’s messy and it takes practice and effort daily. It will seem impossible some days. You will make mistakes but that is how we learn. For me my biggest transformation has been my mindset. I finally took my own advice. I needed to do real self care. Yeah I took baths, drank my herbal tea in hand and read more books than I have in my entire life.

Even more important than that- I worked through the messy parts of myself. I wrote down my feelings every day, I sought out a counselor and I started to meditate. I got my hands dirty. I started to really play with my kids, to hug and kiss them until they begged me to leave them alone.

I stopped buying things I didn’t need and saved money. I released my need for validation and approval from people. I stopped asking for permission for what I wanted and started working for it. I asked for what I wanted and needed from my relationships. I prioritized myself and did not feel an ounce of guilt for it. I stopped distracting myself from my life and started to actually live it. I called family members I haven’t spoke with in years. I started conversations I needed to have.

I opened my eyes, woke up and I healed. Every single day I worked to become more myself and to be happy. Those were my only goals. What better goal to have than to be happy? If I did it, so can you! Go ahead, get happy!

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